Death, Dream, Reflection

 Dear bloggie,

As so people say, you never appreciate what you have until you are on the verge to losing it. I sit here infront on laptop screen, recalling the deja vu feeling I have right now. My mother and me tested positive for COVID 19 this last couple of days.

My father was the only one in my household that haven't been infected, but from the early cough symptoms he is starting to show, I suspect he too has been infected. While we have taken all 3 vaccine shot, there is still a chance regardless of how small some claim is to encounter complication.

I'm getting the normal shebang of symptoms like fever, sore throat, dry cough, runny nose, cold feet and sore joints. Overall I can endure all the symptoms except for my runny nose which it quite hard for me to breath normally using my nose. Sleeping is even harder when my nose blocked. Often went I try to sleep and wake up due to find my nose blocked, I fear falling asleep and never ever waking up.

It also stuck me, from videos I seen on people that was unfortunate enough to encountered repository complication that would sometimes only appear on the 4 day. I'm at day 2 of when I 1st started to exhibit symptoms. The image of me being rushing to the hospital by my father on that day haunts me. 

I'm not really a hardcore believer of god, but somehow find myself silently praying my family and me would get thru this without and thing major. I'm rather ashamed of myself of offering to god stupid promises like I would eat vege on 1 and 15, and make donations to the needy. So ashamed I resorted to making such prayed to god only when I'm in need of him. 

I often claim I wanted to die not due to old age but now that I face that prospect, a part of of is yelling I want another 20 years, I haven't live enough. So much things I haven't done yet.

Then a natural path of reflection, I wonder about what are the things I haven't done yet and I realized I could name much of this "to-do things". So this is my attempt to materialize such as list so I hopeful won't lose focus on the things that I realize is important.

1. Treat my parent better

2. Take my parent to a expensive dinner

3. Connect more with my sister and my 2 niece and nephews

4. Connect with my relative more

5. Get back into shape (Healthy eating and exercise)

6. Donate more to charity

7. Social media less

8. Make youtube video passing on things I learn in Add Math that make me who I am today

9. Fix my room

10. Run another marathon

11. Be less greedy and envious of what other have and appreciate what I have

12. Blog/Write more

13. Do yoga + pilates again

14. Vegan during 1st and 15th

15. Try out kempo

16. Finish reading some of the books in my room